a bare room: plain walls and dull floors
with only one bed and one chair - this is no luxury suite;
the infamous scent of a sterilized hospital seeps through the door
into the small cubicle containing
a jumble of high-tech monitors as
the bed awaits the mother-to-be
and the adjacent chair sits empty for the father
as cheerful Spanish voices express their joy
in the minority: the "indigent ward"
by chance, not choice
as excitement grows amidst the tension
of bringing life - rejuvenation -
to lighten up the drab room
and the family that patiently waits
through the ups and downs
until the arrival of the son
thought to never come
Marley & Me by John Grogan
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the imagery in your opening stanza really clashes with the cherful voices in the last line. i love the way it throws me. I really can't get a handle on the tone of the second stanza though. I wonder what mood you are trying to put me in.
ReplyDeleteI like the suspense that you created by starting off with a sort of dreary, empty room and then in the end built up excitemment. I did not see that coming and it added an interesting twist to your poem.
ReplyDeleteyou are very descriptive with the first stanza! i like how in the second stanza u describe everything like how the family is waiting and that a unexpected son was born! it starts of a little not depressing but something like that and ends in excitement! very nice job!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite aspect of the poem was the sense of the environment created. The poem made me feel like I was at the hospital watching the suspense occur. I think the diction also is suspenseful with words such as "ups and downs." My favorite line is "the infamous scent of a sterilized hospital seeps through the door." I felt a connection because I recognize and dislike that smell.
ReplyDeleteThe last line was strong. I had to read twice but when I got it it made so much sense. The whole poem was kind of like an ode to getting through troubled situations to the intense happiness of a new life in the world.
ReplyDeleteGreat poem! i thought in the beginning you were talking about a at home room, but then i realized it was a hospital room. I like how you wrote about the suspense in the room with "the bed awaits the mother-to-be." I also like the the great visuals like "the infamous scent of a sterilized hospital seeps through the door."
ReplyDeleteThis was really exciting because it was almost like waiting for something to happen. Alot of things are happening and that is exiting.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good. I liked how you started it off. I never read the book but i really liked the movie.
ReplyDeleteI like how things happened gradually. I could feel how they were waiting impatiently for the birth. You did a great job on this poem.
ReplyDeleteThis was great. I love the detail you put into this poem. I liked the line " the infamous scent of a sterilized hospital seeps through the door". It just really stood out to me a lot.
ReplyDelete